by: Evan Floyd, host of the “In The House” weekly podcast
With Avengers: Infinity War coming out next week, I engaged myself in a silly thought exercise: If Louisville City FC players and staffers were members of the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, who would be who? I spent a few minutes and came up with a few interesting parallels. While our boys will not be battling with a planet crushing purple Titan (we ARE THE PLANET CRUSHING PURPLE TITAN!!!) and will instead be vanquishing lesser foes like Nashville and Cincinnati. But I went ahead and thought the whole thing out, and here is where I landed:
**PLEASE NOTE – I apologize in advance if you disagree. I recognize that there are some imperfect matches and some serious stretches. I did not take the gender or race of the players or heroes into consideration. I avoided some obvious parallels (Our Captain isn’t Captain America?) and leaned in to some false equivalencies. I get it… Marvel fans can take offense with the heroes I chose and the team can take offense with who they got paired with. I apologize if your favorite LCFC staffer didn’t make my list. I’m sorry if someone got too little description or got matched with someone you think is lame… This was meant to be fun. Disagree? Cool! Tell me in the comments or on social media at Scouse’s House or @theyeard on twitter. Enough with the disclaimers!!!!
From the Front Office
Brad Estes is the Hulk
As #maskgate illustrated, you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. He is the muscle behind the team and a nuclear bomb when he has to be brought in to deal with a problem. Incredible.
Brandon Morris is the Falcon
Falcon is all about making sure that everyone follows the rules. He’s functional, helpful, and dependable. Got a task that needs to be done but that is too small for the bigger names but is still vital? Send in the Falcon!
Scott Stewart is the Scarlett Witch
The Director of Media’s job is often to turn disparate stories and facts into useful and palatable information. The Scarlett Witch takes the elements around her and turns them into useful bits of magic. Also, she can put thoughts and images into someone’s mind – useful for a media manipulator.
On the Coaching Staff
Coach O’Connor is Nick Fury
Too obvious? Deal with it. He brought together Earth’s Mightiest Heroes and deploys them as he sees fit. It doesn’t always make sense to everyone until the end, but then it turns out he was several steps ahead of everyone. Plus, JOC would look awesome with an eye patch.
Coach Byrd is War Machine
War Machine is the perfect partner. He’s every bit as much of a badass as the guy getting the headlines. He takes the work seriously, but still knows how to cut loose. He’s a military man who gets things done.
Coach Sutu is Heimdall
Not everyone knows who Heimdall is, but he sees everything and keeps our heroes focused on their task. Much like Thor would be lost without Heimdall and his mighty sword, our keepers would be lost without Coach Sutu. Strong, quiet, ever-vigilant.
Greg Ranjitsingh is Captain America
I know, Greg isn’t the Captain, and he isn’t American. Get over it. He’s the heart and soul of the team, he’s the most recognizable (even without the man bun), and he’s tasked with organizing the heroes in front of him to accomplish the necessary goals. He is the shield that protects our goal.
Tim Dobrowolski is Groot
Long arms that extend at need, he’s a protector. Tim is Groot. Tim is Groot. Tim… is… Groot.
Chris Hubbard is Okoye
We haven’t seen him on the pitch other than the preseason, but Hubbard looks athletic and determined to protect our goal. Okoye hasn’tbreakout star in Black Panther for being athletic and determined to protect. Seems like a good fit.
The Defenders (But not, like, the Marvel Defenders. Still doing the Avengers)
Paco Craig is the Vision
Vision is, frankly, as powerful as he wants to be. He can be stronger or faster, or smarter than anyone at any given time. Paco uses his size or his pace or his team skills to make any defensive play necessary.
Sean Totsch is Bucky Barnes / The Winter Soldier
They are both as tough as nails. They seem indestructible and willing to mix it up with anyone who gets in their way, plus they both seem to be able to work well with other heroes to accomplish their goals (Bucky with Captain America, Totsch with a rotating group of back line teammates).
Pat McMahon is Nebula
They used to be bad guys (McMahon in Cinci and Nebula in the first Guardians movie) who use athleticism and determination to crush all foes.
Alexis Soauhy is Gamora
Super stretch time… They come from far away (France and Space, respectively) and have both yet to display their full power. Deadly in the air.
Kyle Smith is Iron Man
Partially because he led the team in minutes last year (Iron Man, get it?), and partially because they both have a swiss army knife’s number of ways to beat you. Tony Stark always has one more gadget you didn’t expect, and Kyle Smith always has one more position you didn’t know he could play.
Oscar Jimenez is Ant – Man
Yes, I get the size parallel. But the real key is that both Oscar and Ant-Man can get to places no one else can and then do damage! Speed, low center of gravity, and surprising strength.
Shaun Francis is Yondu
Crazy deadly and still a little mysterious, they are both veterans who know what it takes to win. They also both have cool hair.
Paolo DelPiccolo is Star Lord
Sure he’s a leader, but he’s also here to have a good time. A little bit of offense, a little bit of defense, he can always be relied on to do the right thing for his crew.
Speedy Williams is Black Widow
The ultimate spy/assasin. Black Widow keeps an eye on everything and everyone and keeps things in order. Speedy is the same way, intercepting passes and making sweet deliveries.
Richard Ballard is Spiderman
Your friendly neighborhood hero. He’s young, he’s hungry, and he’s local. Too quick for normal defenders, and a great shot with webs or balls.
Magnus Rasmussen is Dr. Strange
The most likely on the team to make magic out of nothing. Brilliant and clinical but with enough whimsy to cast a spell on their opponents.
George Davis IV is Black Panther
He’s smarter than his opponents, and faster than they expect. He’s not afraid to mix it up, and he’s been piling up wins for his people for a long time.
Niall McCabe is Rocket Raccoon
They’re both crafty and a little hot under the collar. They are also great with strategy and dead-eye snipers. We’ve seen Niall demonstrate all of those qualities over his time LCFC.
Brian Ownby is Loki
The trickster who’s never where you think he is. Yeah, he’s nominally the bad guy early (Richmond), but you still loved watching him and couldn’t wait for him to put his speed, cunning, and magic on display for your squad.
Ilija Ilic is Drax
Ilic is a straight destroyer. Drax and Ilic are both great relief. Drax is comic relief, and Ilija is a super sub. Maybe they would wear thin if they had to carry the load for a whole movie or for a whole season… but in the right doses they can steal the show.
Cameron Lancaster is Hawkeye
Deadly accurate, impossible to defend from long range, and tougher than expected in close quarters. Their shots always find their mark.
Luke Spencer is Thor
Sometimes it’s good to just be bigger and stronger than your opponents. They are workhorses that you can ride to a win, sometimes on their own, sometimes with the team.
No? Don’t like it? Tough. Make your own list. I know it’s not perfect, but I’m comparing Los Morados to super heroes… it was never going to be perfect. I had fun.